


Too Much Love Will Kill You

by lord_of_the_phantom



Category: Le Fantôme de l'Opéra | Phantom of the Opera & Related Fandoms, Le Fantôme de l'Opéra | Phantom of the Opera - Gaston Leroux, Phantom of the Opera - Lloyd Webber
Genre: F/M, it made me sad to write, might make you cry, please give me fluff ideas i'm torturing them help, pretty angsty sorry, queen references, someone needs to hug these children, too much love will kill you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 18:10:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10836636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lord_of_the_phantom/pseuds/lord_of_the_phantom
Summary: Erik regrets losing Christine. Christine regrets going off with Raoul. Will they be able to find each other again and heal each other's wounds?





	Too Much Love Will Kill You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Loki_Wholock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loki_Wholock/gifts).



I’m just pieces of the man I used to be  
Erik felt so broken without Christine there. With her in his life, he was full of light and happiness. Well, as full of light and happiness as he could be. But now she was gone. With that infernal Raoul.   
“Oh, Christine. How could I have lost you?” he asked. He gazed at the mask in his hand. Her fingerprints probably still lingered on it. The only trace she’d ever even touched it.  
Erik gazed at the doll he made of his beloved Christine. “Christine, I love you,” he said to it. If only he was saying those words to Christine herself. His life could’ve been so different if she just stayed. If he was just different.   
Too many bitter tears are raining down on me  
Suddenly, something odd happened. Erik began to cry. Everything was crashing down around him. Christine was the thing keeping him sane in a world full of, well, to put it bluntly, idiots. Without her, his world was falling apart. He’d probably never see her again. She’d be happy with her vicomte.   
Why did the world have it out for him? Right when he met Christine, he thought something was different about her. He thought she could see past his exterior and know the beauty underneath. And she could. But now…now there was no chance. That Raoul had to show up and ruin everything.  
I’m far away from home  
Christine was like his home. When she was with him, everything in the world just felt…right. And now she was gone.  
He looked at the mirror shards surrounding him. Why had he done this? Now there was no chance of ever getting back in touch with his sweet Christine. Tears were still falling down his face. “I love her…I love her…I love her…,” he repeated to himself.   
Oh, I feel like no one ever told the truth to me  
For so long in his life, he’d been lied to. First, before he was even born, and his mother said she’d love him no matter what. But she shunned him. And most recently, he’d been lied to by Christine. She said he wasn’t alone, then left him by himself all the same.   
“Curse you, you little lying Delilah!” he said, but the words just didn’t have any venom to them. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything bad about Christine unless he was angry. And though it may seem he was, Erik was not angry. He was just heartbroken.   
He felt like he was drowning. But not in water. No, he felt as if he was drowning in his sorrow. He was sorry about how he had treated the de Chagny boy. He was sorry for how he had acted when Piangi was on stage. He was sorry for strangling Joseph Buquet, no matter how much the man had deserved it. He was sorry for it all. But he couldn’t tell Christine that now. No, she was gone forever.  
About growing up and what a struggle it would be  
Everything was easier when he was a child. Sure, he was abused in the circus, but at least he didn’t feel the pain in his chest. The emptiness in his heart, if he even had a heart at all. Sometimes Erik thought he couldn’t feel anything. But now he knew that he did, and he knew that it would be easier if he didn’t.   
He was still crying. Why couldn’t he stop? He’d never cried so much in his life. not when his mother abandoned him, not when he was made into a circus attraction, never.   
In my tangled state of mind  
He knew there was something wrong with him. Anyone could see that. He dropped a chandelier and had already killed two people, not counting the man he murdered when he was little. And he wasn’t even that old. What had happened to him?   
He didn’t know. But something had gone horribly wrong. Something that started long before he had even though the name of Christine Daae.   
I’ve been looking back to find where I went wrong  
When did this start? When did he lose himself in a wave of anger? More importantly, how did it happen? There were no exact dates or reasons. Things just sort of happened.   
He didn’t mean to become the monster he was. It just sort of happened. He ducked his head, crying some more. He was so glad Christine wasn’t there. He’d have died if she saw him crying. Erik was supposed to be strong, not…this. Not a weeping, sniveling mess. She’d have some comment on it, no doubt. Some strong, witty comment that would send him reeling.   
Too much love will kill you  
He sighed. The tears were streaming so freely down his face. He didn’t even bother to stop them. He didn’t know what to do. He felt like he was dying. Everything was ruined. Christine was gone, the opera was over, he had…nothing. No one was there. No one would listen to him.  
He thought of Christine and buried his face in his hands. “Christine, I love you,” he murmured again.  
If you can’t make up your mind  
He couldn’t tell if he was heartbroken or angry. Or both. He couldn’t tell.   
He was angry at Raoul for stealing away his Christine. But he was also just heartbroken because he knew he didn’t deserve Christine. But of course, neither did Raoul. But who did deserve Christine?   
No one. No one deserved Christine. She was too perfect, in Erik’s eyes. He didn’t know what to do. “The Angel of Music doesn’t have her under his wing anymore,” he sighed. “She’s flown the nest. She’s free.”   
Torn between a lover and the love you leave behind  
He had never loved anyone else. Ever since he met her, he was in love with her. Well, that wasn’t true. Ever since she had blossomed into a beautiful young girl. He didn’t mean to fall in love with her…it just…happened.   
First, he fell in love with her voice. Those haunting, enchanting notes that floated through the air and popped in his ears, giving a beautiful sound. Yes, that was what he had fallen in love with first. It was what drew him to her.   
Then he saw her personality. She was kind, caring, lovable, and goofy. Fiery, too, when she needed to be. She could match Erik’s fire and could probably best him in some sort of battle of wits. It was magnificent! Yes, that was the next thing he fell in love with. It drew him even farther toward her.   
Finally, he learned what she looked like. Beautiful curls. Bright, shimmering eyes. An innocent, doe-like face. Beauty that could not be described in words. Love for everyone shining in her eyes.  
She was perfect to him. But to her, he was nothing anymore.   
You’re headed for disaster  
He tried to warn her against Raoul. He tried to warn her that he wasn’t what he said he was.   
“I love him, Erik! Why can’t you just believe that?” Christine had hissed.   
“Because he isn’t who he says he is! He’s not the boy you knew as a child. Did you see how he tried to force you to sing when you didn’t want to? He’ll change, Christine. He doesn’t deserve you.”  
“And you’re saying that you do? You murdered people, Erik. I might could look past that…but not for a while,” Christine said.   
“Christine, just listen to me! I promise I’m right. You have to listen!”  
She turned away from him. “Goodbye, Erik.” Her voice was cold. Something he’d never heard before from his innocent little Christine.   
“Christine,” he said. But his voice trailed off toward the end and his beautiful angel walked away.   
“You’ll come back!” he shouted. “You’ll regret this, Christine!”  
She stared over her shoulders. Her beautiful, usually shining eyes were dark. Anger. Something he’d never seen in her. “I won’t. I won’t come back.”   
“You just wait!”   
But she didn’t hear him. She had turned and gone.   
He didn’t understand what had come over his Christine at the time. He had thought she was just angry for no reason. But that was right after he’d almost strangled Raoul. Naturally, that was the cause of her rage. Oh, how he wished to apologize to her!   
‘Cause you never read the signs  
Part of this was her fault, wasn’t it? She didn’t read the signs that Raoul was not the man he said he was. He had tried to force her into things. He had told her that Erik wasn’t real. He hadn’t tried as hard as he should have to save her.   
That was part of the reason Erik so loathed that horrid Raoul. He didn’t treat her like the angel she was. He treated her the same way he’d treat any other woman.  
And Christine didn’t deserve that. She deserved the world. And Raoul couldn’t give her that.   
Too much love will kill you every time.   
Erik returned to his room, tears streaming down his face. He was overwhelmed by his love for Christine.   
And he expected it to be the death of him.   
I’m just the shadow of the man I used to be  
Christine sat in her bedroom. Everything had been so different when Erik was around. Her life didn’t have a dull moment, as he was always there with her, talking to her or helping her become a better singer. Without him…she felt so empty.  
Raoul couldn’t help her. He didn’t understand the void that no one could fill. Not even spending time with her little daughter, Danielle, helped. Of course, it did a little bit, but not near as much as it used to. Raoul would hardly come near her and her daughter. He claimed that the little one didn’t take to him. But that was a lie.  
The girl just reminded him too much of Christine, who was slipping further and further away from him each day. Erik had been right. She hated to admit it, but he had.   
And it seems there’s no way out of this for me  
Yet she couldn’t escape. Danielle was her only hope in this dark time. Raoul had become a drunk and wasn’t at all like the man she had once known.   
Yet she couldn’t escape because she had nowhere to go. She’d be out on the streets, and would no doubt be there with Danielle. After all, Raoul knew nothing about child care. He wouldn’t be able to handle a baby by himself.  
And he would want no reminders of Christine there.   
He loved her, sure, but he wasn’t the man she thought he was. Did she love him? That was a good question. She wasn’t sure.   
But she did know one thing: She was longing for Erik’s company.   
I used to bring you sunshine  
She could make him smile when no one else could. She could make him happy with just a few notes of a song. Erik had often said that she brought him sunshine in the darkest places of his life.   
But before she left, they had that argument. Now she couldn’t bear to face him.  
She looked at Danielle, who was giggling happily in her bassinet. “What am I to do, Dani?” she asked. Danielle gurgled. “Of course you wouldn’t know. But you’d go with your mama anywhere, wouldn’t you?”   
Raoul leaned against the doorframe. “You’re so good with Dani, Christine.”  
“Raoul, if this is an excuse to talk to me about something, I don’t want to hear it. But if you want to see Danielle, go right ahead,” Christine said.   
“Christine…” Raoul began. “Please. I’ll stop drinking…I’ll do anything.”  
“You always promise that. But you never hold yourself to those promises. I don’t know how much longer I can hope on empty promises and dreams, Raoul.”  
“Christine, I love you!” he pleaded.   
But she just looked down at Danielle, who giggled. “You’re so carefree, Dani. I wish I was like you.”   
Now all I ever do is bring you down  
Raoul walked away, leaving her to think of Erik. Was he concerned about her? Did he care where she was?   
Of course he didn’t. They argued too much before she went away for him to even think of her. But of course, almost every thought in her mind was of Erik. He was her first though in the morning, and her last thought at night.   
But he wouldn’t care about her anymore. Not after she brought him so much grief. “Oh, Erik. You know I’m sorry,” she muttered. “I’m so sorry. I wish I had listened to you.”   
She smiled sadly at Dani. She was blissfully unaware of her mother’s suffering. “We’re going to go on a trip, Danielle. Want to come with me?” she asked. The baby gurgled and smiled. “I take that as a yes.”   
Christine pulled on her coat and walked downstairs, Danielle’s things in hand. “I’m going on a walk with Danielle. I don’t know when I’ll be back. Or if I’ll be back at all.”   
“Okay, Christine.” She could tell that he didn’t take her seriously. She could tell he didn’t think that she’d truly leave for more than a few hours.  
She sighed as she walked outside. She aimed to find Erik and apologize for all the pain she had given him.  
Ooh, how would it be if you were standing in my shoes?   
What would Erik have done if he was torn between this? If he was torn between two sides of his destiny? One side promised her food, a place to stay, and someone who loved her, even if it was one-sided. The other promised her someone she loved, a shelter (no matter if it was a basement), and someone who she could have real conversations with.  
She knew Erik would pick the second option. But it wasn’t that easy for her. She was married and had a child with Raoul de Chagny. If she were to change her mind, she’d have to divorce him, which was a lot off legal work, and completely uproot Danielle. Even though she was a baby, she’d never know her father. That was a lot for her.   
Can’t you see that it’s impossible to choose?   
There was no right answer. One side meant happiness for her. The other meant a safe place for Danielle to grow up, even though it was in a house without love.   
She shivered. Even though she had her coat, cold still pierced her to the bone.   
“Twisted every way, what answer can I give?” she asked Danielle.   
She couldn’t answer anything. But her heart was telling her to go find Erik. “Come on, Dani. We’re going to the opera house,” she said. Danielle reached upward. “I know, I know. It’s cold. But we’ll have a place to stay, promise.”   
She navigated the cold Paris streets. The choice was becoming less and less impossible. She knew what she needed.   
No, there’s no making sense of it.  
There was no justification behind her choice. She had just up and gone. Raoul wouldn’t know where she was, but he probably wouldn’t worry.  
She scoffed. Probably on his way to the bar right now, Christine thought. She sniffed, the cold air getting to her.   
“I don’t make sense, do I, Dani?” Christine asked her daughter. She couldn’t wait until the girl could talk. They’d be best friends.   
Every way I go I’m bound to lose, oh yes.  
She still felt as if she was losing something. There was still something to benefit her with Raoul. She was guaranteed someone who wouldn’t lose his temper.  
But was that an adequate price to pay for love? If she didn’t love him, was it worth raising a child in a house without love, with a father who was always drunk?  
With Erik, sure, there would be some outbursts, on both their sides, but Danielle would grow up with love from both her parents. She’d have a father who loved her, even if it wasn’t her biological father. She had a chance of living like a normal girl.   
So yes, there was a loss on both sides, but the benefits outweighed the losses on one side of her destiny. She was making her decision with great ease now.   
Too much love will kill you  
She was overwhelmed with love again. Not just for her daughter, but for Erik. As she approached the Opera Populaire, all her old feelings came washing back over her.   
She fell in love with his voice, then his personality, then his looks. The same way he fell in love with her. “This is where our lives will start again,” she said to Danielle. “You’ll be loved here, Dani. Not just by me, but by your father too. He’ll accept you, even though he isn’t your father.”   
Christine smiled. Everything was so familiar. It was like coming home after a long vacation.   
Just as sure as none at all  
She froze. What if he won’t take me back? Christine wondered. Erik was not one to let go of grudges easily. He still remembered times that she had accidentally hurt his feelings when she was a young girl. Of course he wouldn’t let go of their big argument so quickly.   
But he didn’t know the pain she felt when she left him behind.   
It’ll drain the power that’s in you  
She felt like she was dying as she sat there, cradling Danielle. “I can’t do it, Dani. He’ll turn me away.”   
“Who, dearie?” someone asked.   
“Oh, just…an old friend. He lives around here,” Christine stammered. She couldn’t just tell a random lady that she was going to meet the Phantom of the Opera. She’d be called mad.   
“Do you need any help? I know how hard it is to carry a baby around all day,” the woman said, gesturing at Danielle. Christine took her daughter and held her closer.   
“I’m good, thanks,” Christine said. She felt better now. It was as if all the love was hurting her.   
Make you plead and scream and crawl  
Christine began the decent into Erik’s lair. Why was she doing this? She’d sworn that she’d never go down into that place again. But that was a different time.  
A time when she thought Raoul loved her. A time when she wasn’t so desperate for someone, anyone, to love her.   
She looked at Danielle, who was whimpering. “I was scared the first time I came down here too, don’t worry. It gets better. Erik has a nice place, Dani. And he’ll love you. That is, if he still loves me.”   
“In sleep he sang to me,” she sang to herself, trying to assure herself that it was all okay. That song calmed her. Just the thought of Erik brought her back down to earth. Amazing, what one simple person can do for you.   
And the pain will make you crazy  
Earlier that year, she would’ve thought herself insane for going back to Erik’s lair. She would’ve wondered why she was doing this. And with her daughter, too! She should’ve waited to take Dani.   
“I’m losing my mind,” she murmured. “Danielle, what am I to do? We might get turned away!”  
Erik turned toward the sound. “Can it be? Can it be Christine?” he asked. The voice sure sounded like her  
No, he warned himself. This has happened too many times for you to fall for it again. Christine is not going to come back to you.  
“No, no, Dani. Everything will be okay,” Christine said. Erik still refused to believe that it was her.   
You’re the victim of your crime  
The baby began to cry. She was suffering more from this than Christine herself was. “Shh, shh, Danielle, it’ll all be okay. Don’t you worry, love,” Christine soothed her daughter. She smiled. See, Christine, you’re a good mother. You could raise Danielle all by yourself.  
Erik walked toward the sound. No matter how heartless he seemed, he couldn’t abandon a child in need. Perhaps it was because he had once been a child in need. The woman sitting on the stairs astounded him.  
Dark, beautiful curls. A slight figure. Shimmering eyes. Could it be Christine?   
Erik knew he was just fantasizing. Yet the look in those eyes when they saw him…it was the look Christine had when she met him.   
“Christine?” Erik asked. “Is…is that you?”  
Christine couldn’t believe her ears. “Erik?” she questioned. “Yes, it’s me!” she shouted. Danielle stopped crying and cooed. Christine set her daughter down and ran across the lake to Erik.  
“Oh, I’ve missed you, I’ve missed you so much!” she shouted. Tears fell down her face.   
Too much love will kill you every time  
He took her into his arms. “Christine! Oh, Christine! You don’t know how much I’ve missed you!”  
She was sobbing now. “You were right! Raoul wasn’t who he said he was. He’s a drunk, and an awful man, and he didn’t even care about our daughter.”   
“Shh, I’ve got you now, Christine. You’re safe.”   
Christine smiled and let him hold her there. It was comforting, being held close by the one you loved. For once, she felt like everything was going to be okay in her life. Danielle wasn’t even crying.   
“Is that your daughter?” Erik asked her. She nodded.   
“Danielle de Chagny. Though, she’s hardly a de Chagny now. Just as I am hardly a de Chagny,” Christine said. “I call her Dani, usually.”   
Christine still felt as if she was dying. However, she now felt as if she was dying just from the pure relief of finding her Erik again. Everything was better now that he was with her.  
Yes, too much love will kill you!  
Erik smiled. He pressed a kiss to the top of Christine’s head. “We need to go get Danielle. She can’t stay over there. You stay here…angel.” Christine smiled. Erik released her and walked over to where Danielle’s little carrier was.   
She grinned. Erik was already better with Dani than Raoul ever was. Her heart swelled. This was like it had been in all her fantasies. She had someone who loved her as well, and was willing to care for a family and do whatever she needed with her.   
Erik looked down at the baby. She looked like Christine. Not a trace of Raoul in her. She was beautiful. “Danielle Destler,” Erik said. “A beautiful name.”  
Christine blushed. “She’s a beautiful little girl. I can’t wait to see what she looks like when she grows up.”   
There was too much love in each of them. Part of it was for each other. The other part was for little Dani, who finally had a loving family.   
It’ll make your life a lie  
Erik took Christine in his arms again. “I’ve missed you. What brought you back? After all, you said you’d never come back here.”  
Christine winced. “You’re not going to…turn me out, are you? Because I don’t know that I can go back to Raoul’s house.”   
Erik looked horrified. “Of course not! I can’t lose you, Christine. Not when I’ve just found you again.”   
And so Christine explained everything to him. How Raoul had turned out to be a different man. How he hadn’t seemed to care for Danielle. How…everything had just been wrong. She’d been living a lie.   
Yes, too much love will kill you  
Erik nodded. He understood it all. He’d felt unwanted in many places. But yet, with Christine, he felt like he was wanted. He, Christine, and Dani could be a little family.   
He kissed Christine’s head. Not for any reason, just so she knew he was there for her.  
And you won’t understand why  
She still wasn’t certain why she needed Erik so much. It was just one of those things you knew you needed but you had no idea why. Without him…it was like she wasn’t alive.   
Erik felt the same way about her. And as they stood there, wrapped in each other’s arms, it was like the world had stopped, if only for a second. The only things that mattered were each other.  
You’d give your life, you’d sell your soul  
They’d sell their souls to stay together. Or to save Danielle. They loved each other too much. Erik would sacrifice himself for Christine, and she’d do the same for him.   
“I love you,” Christine murmured. It was an absent-minded thought, one that just slipped off her tongue unintentionally, but that didn’t make it any less true.   
Erik smiled. “I love you too, angel,” he said. He kissed her forehead. Another small, absent-minded gesture, but again, it wasn’t any less true.   
But here it comes again  
Just then, Danielle started crying again. “I’d best attend to that,” Christine said. Erik shook his head. “What? I can’t just leave my daughter to cry.”   
“Let me handle it, Christine. You need to rest. It’s been a long day, angel.” Christine had no time to protest as Erik picked her up and carried her to his spare bedroom, laying her down.   
Christine was overwhelmed with love for about the fifth time that day. Erik had known Danielle for less than a day and was already taking responsibility for her. If anyone ever called him a psychopath, she’d tell them about this. Erik cared for a child that wasn’t even his own just because of her.   
Erik set up Danielle’s bassinet in Christine’s room. “I thought you’d want her in here. Not trying to dump her on you, I promise! I just thought you’d want your daughter in your room,” he said. “I can move her, though.”  
Christine shook her head, smiling. “This is fine, Erik.” She walked across the room and kissed his cheek. “I love you, Erik.”   
“I love you, too.”   
Too much love will kill you  
And that night, as Erik kissed her goodnight and walked to his room down the hall, Christine knew that someone finally loved her. She knew that her daughter would have a good home. She knew that everything was going to be okay again.   
“Are you happy, Papa?” she asked her father. “Your little girl is safe now. Both of us are,” she added, looking over at Danielle.   
Deep inside, she knew her father would be proud of her. She found love all by herself. She knew when something was going wrong.  
Erik heard Christine through the thin walls and smiled. Too much love was killing him. But it was all amazing.  
In the end  
Christine closed her eyes and allowed herself to drift away into the peaceful realm of sleep.   
A few hours later, at around four in the morning, Danielle awoke, crying. Christine groaned and got up. At least she’d slept through most of the night. “Hey, Dani girl. You okay, sweet pea?”   
More crying. Christine picked her daughter up and kissed her head, smiling. “Sweet girl.”  
Erik heard the crying through the walls and walked in to see Christine holding her little girl close, rocking her and singing gently. “You good, Christine?”  
She nodded. “Yep. I’ve almost got Danielle under control. She’s easy to calm down, especially when she’s not hungry or anything.”   
In the end  
“Well, I’ll still stay here until Dani goes back to sleep. That way, you won’t be alone. It can be pretty spooky down here alone in the dark,” Erik said. Christine smiled.  
“Okay, Erik. Do you want to sit down and hold Dani?” she asked. His eyes widened.   
“You trust me with your daughter?” he asked. “Wow.”  
Christine laughed and stood up, handing him the little girl. “Of course I trust you with Danielle. You’re good with children, Erik. I saw you with her earlier. You’ll be fine.”   
Erik shook his head, but sat down, cradling Danielle against his chest. “Hey, Dani. You gonna stop crying now?” The baby calmed down, looking up at him, enchanted. She reached up and touched the bottom of his mask. “Oh, dearie, you don’t want to touch that,” Erik said to her.  
And as they stood there in the half-light of the candles, Christine and Erik both knew that they’d finally found where they belonged. With each other. They finally had a home and a loving family. And even if it was only for a second, all was right in their little world.

**Author's Note:**

> Angst. Sorry. I didnt mean for it to be so sad, but here we are. I hope you enjoyed it! I wrote most of it in one night because I just sat down and couldn't stop writing. 
> 
> This work is gifted/dedicated to Loki_Wholock, my best friend. She is possibly the biggest Queen fan on earth and it was her idea for me to write this story. So yeah, here we are.


End file.
